Epiphany- Memories, and how they impact my friendships and development as a person.

I had an epiphany last night, whilst on the phone to Shyla - God Bless her (:

I have voiced before about memories, how I see them as entities belonging to us infinitely. (this is of course both true and false, we naturally do forget things as humans) I can of course blabber on about how they are metaphorical things, underlying necessities to our existence as beings, but I have also discovered (Shyla and myself being 'I') that there is a logical explanation of how memories can contribute to your overall life time, and making it the best it can be.

Friendships. For me, the physical form of a friendship would be a spider web. (And to all that are arachnophobic out there, this is probably not the best example). Beginning with but a single thread, latched onto a lamppost, connecting with another thread, each link strengthening and preserving it. At times the wind may blow, a thread will snap, and there are occasions when the spiders web is destroyed all together. Occasionally, spider webs are fortunate however. Staying free of the wind and other predators, it grows into a work of art, each thread leading onto something more extraordinary, something unique.

Each memory created with my friends are silver spiders threads in a sense. I have known Shyla for the best of twelve years now, and it is our memories that keep the friendship as preserved and everlasting as it is. Our past memories are the basis for many of our conversations, giving us moments to look back upon, laugh about, and analyse. We have experiences to learn from, points in time that we regret, but nonetheless each as valuable as the next. Without those memories as foundations, perhaps many of our conversations would have been awkward, suppose we grew to have nothing to say, and then the friendship fell apart.

I can not think of one conversation I have had with Shyla that has been awkward. We sit in silence and yet are never bored. We don't mind if the other doesn't want to hear our 'fascinating story about this guy in the television store,' and we tell it anyway. We have reached a point in our friendship that we are convinced, certain, that the other is a loyal, caring friend. And we never doubt it. (well at least I am pretty sure she doesn't doubt it, if you do Shyla I am going to be incredibly pissed off, so be careful).

It is the same with Fabienne, a second friend (and as good!) that I have known now for the same period of time (thank Lord for ballet girls!). We discuss memories, laugh and learn.

I have known people in the past that have seemed potentially capable of being good friends of mine. After an amount of time however, we grew tired of the awkward conversations, the lack of topics to discuss. Without realising, we grew apart. It happens to everyone, it has occurred more than once in my life. It is not a bad thing necessarily, but a thing to learn from.

Why did the friendship not work out, what went wrong. And how can I prevent that from happening in the future.

Or perhaps we should not be preventing it.

It is a strong belief of mine that every human being that enters into my life, whether for ten years, or two, impacts me as a person- and whether they impact me well or badly, it is fundamental for my growth as an individual.

I am absolutely starving and think I am going to pass out from caffeine overload.

- Joy