Joy Foster's Blog: An Apology of The Log

Myself

Seventeen years have flown past. Here I am, living in New Zealand (a small continent off the coast of Antarctica), and living the life of an ambitious student who wishes for nothing more than to learn, live and love. My drive for knowledge is a drug that I run off. There is never a limit to what a human being can know, and unlike actual drugs, it does not harm you- unless of course you are the Government and it all goes to your head. Philosophy fascinates me, it's a subject of infinite possibilities! Pursuing a career in journalism I've taken a break for two years. After finishing an apprenticeship in mechanic's I plan to continue with writing.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

An Apology of The Log

Sometimes I see a log and I think, how nice, a log.

Sometimes I just wish that Stew would take the tea-towel out of my mug before he put tea in.

He tells me that it adds depth to the already pungent tea he creates. Stew also likes to create casseroles (for the sake of my sanity I will call them casseroles rather than stews). They are horrible.

One blooming day he created a particularly horrible Stew. He forgot the tea-towel. What a pickle he was in then.

I believe that the log is responsible for everything here. The tea-towel. The badly named child. And the pickles.

Never forget the pickles.

I AM WATCHING YOU, said the log.

Many problems and concerns of the public were aroused. Yes, aroused.

The PC idealism of today's society was called upon.

Until the communities Mac users popped over with several K69 air-rifles.

No more PC in that community. What a shame.

The log sniffed.

You'll get an ear infection if you continue like that, said the mother log.

More concerns for all. But there were no PC ideas left to run around in circles screaming. The town was quiet.

The log jumped onto a stack of hay and sneezed.

BLERCHOO. sneezed the log. The mother log cackled.

I believe that all logs hold within them a desire to kill. This idea is supported by the event which took place on the 15th of April 2010 at exactly 11:59 when two logs entered the premises of the Kelly's- toppling onto none other than Shyla Kelly. Her spleen was instantly impaled by the logs.

R.I.P Spleen of Shyla.

Seven months later a court hearing was held for the log where he failed to appear. A second hearing was made on the 11th of May 2011. The log was hereby sentenced to ten months in the forest. Before the log and his mother, who had been convicted for smoking her own limb (which was supposedly illegal), left for the forest, the log spoke once more.

I am sorry for toppling on you. I was cold and felt the need to topple.

It will not happen again and I show the largest regret for your spleen possible. I know he was dear to you.

Then the log left.

Underneath the cold ground by a cherry tree the remains of Shyla Kelly's spleen squealed, 'FUCKER'